The Journey Begins AGAIN…

I’ve been rolling along in life admiring the big tree outside my living room window. Its massive limbs sway both sweetly and serenely. Then a windy day comes along, and I am stunned by the abilities this massive tree has to sustain it’s rootedness even though it’s limbs roll mightily and it’s leaves tear from their branches.

As I stare (too much) at this incredible piece of nature, I am awed to think that this tree has been alive many more decades than my measly eight.

I live in assisted living in an apartment in a lovely Senior community in California. I’ve been able through the six years in this facility to explain that I’m “doing fine.”

My beloved Husband and I moved here to assisted living because we needed just a little help doing a few things. He died two years ago, at the wonderful age of 90.

As I’ve said before, I never lived alone until he died. I’m over the trauma of grief, and have begun to wonder what life holds for me at my advanced age.

I’ve been remarkably well in this aging. I’ve traveled, and continued to drive, and remain pretty well cognitively.

I’ve known for decades that I am an introvert. People who know me say, “NO!” “ you are too outgoing.”

But, I’ve known as I cycled through careers. That to “get along” in this big world, career-wise you need to appear to be an extrovert. I started out as the Director of volunteers and Advancement at a large Girl Scout Council, then moved to volunteer recruitment and training at a large Hospital in the Midwest. Then earned my M.A. in counseling psychology, and opened a therapy practice in my home.

Then I Began, what was a time of Spiritual enrichment, which led me to go to Seminary. I was ordained and began a long and very satisfying career as an Intentional Interim minister for the United Church of Christ, serving churches in New England and Long Island.

So, with that background, why do I persist with this “who am I?” Question?

As I age, familiar activities become harder physically, and psychologically.

I have struggled through, and managed. But lately I’m struck by how many life tasks I simply can’t do. (Typing on my computer, attending more than one meeting in a day, trying to sort and plan so that I am able to multitask, though I’ve nearly given this up)

Frankly my inner voice is pretty hard on myself.

However, my faith tells me that God has a special love for widows. I’m thinking that I need to remind my inner voice that GRACE needs to be a part of my inner voice.